All this time we've been waiting for each other
by maryoswald
Summary: Merlin is a private detective and he is looking for Arthur. One day he is transferred to London to work with Mycroft Holmes, one of the most powerful men in politics. Merlin wants to find Arthur more than anything and Mycroft advises him to go to Sherlock Holmes, the man that can solve any case. Arthur is a police man and he also looks for Merlin. He works with Greg Lestrade.
1. Chapter 1 - Merlin's POV

**MERLIN'S POV**

The last person I am going to interrogate. This is the last person I am going to ask if he saw him or knows someone who did. The last person. For today. I looked myself in the mirror. I didn't change. So many years passed and I didn't change at all. My thoughts were interrupted by the knock on the door. And here it comes. The last chance in this week from where I can get any information about him, to know if he's back or if he is not.

I couldn't wait there forever. I couldn't stay there and watch the wind take the leafs from the ground to the water as I was sitting there with my eyes open, waiting for him to rise from that cursed lake. But he never did. He never showed up despite all my prayers. So I left. I left Avalon and started a new life, trying not to use magic, trying to be a normal man. And then I realized I was still waiting; waiting for the one that even in the 21st century was my King. And now I am waiting too. For him. For my life to come back. For everything to be the same as it was or at least closer to how it used to be. All I need is him.

"Come in" – I say on a professional tone, arranging the documents in front of me so that I don't look like a messed up policeman, even though on the inside I am.

I look through the statement the man gave and then I come across a photo of Arthur. I needed a picture with him to show to the people I interrogate so I took the only picture I had with him and it wasn't actually a picture; it was a drawing I made when we were in Camelot.

_"Come on Merlin we have to go! Finish that painting because the entire kingdom waits for us". Arthur was looking at me and he beamed like he didn't care about the kingdom. Like it was only me and him. _

_ "Maybe if you stopped moving I would finish this painting. It's my gift to you for your birthday and you don't want me to make a cartoon out of the King of Camelot, right?" – I say smiling, almost laughing as I add some color to his cheeks._

_ Arthur smiled and came closer to me, took the brush from my hand, took a look at the painting and he laughed. _

_ "Oh... so this is how I look to you? Merlin, I really look like a cartoon!" _

_ "It's not ready, my Lord" – I say hastily as he turns his back looking attentively to the painting. He came to me and took my hand whispering to my ear: _

_ "You will have enough time to finish it tonight. Now let's go. I am the one who is celebrated and I am already late. Give me my ceremonial sword" _

The memory fades and the image of Arthur is replaced by the image of a tall man with dark eyes, dressed in a suit so I know he is a business man. He doesn't seem the kind of man who would wear jeans. I smile as he sits down without me giving him permission.

"I suppose you know why you are here." – I say unafraid. In the end, I am the one with magic and I am the cop here. He doesn't know it.

"I do. Although I don't understand why you called me. My statement says very clear that there is no way I know the man you are looking for."

The man stands up and wants to leave.

"I didn't give you permission to leave nor to sit down. I called you because your statement is a lie. You were seen with a person who has the characteristics I seek for. So if you don't mind, I would want you to answer me some questions."

The man didn't say anything so as I made him a sign to sign down he did and raising his dark eyes to me he speaks on a low and serious voice.

"What do you want to know?"

And then I started putting my questions, but I didn't get any answers. Nothing that I was looking for and I felt that every part of me was breaking at his answers.

"Have you ever seen this person?" – I asked as I showed him the painting which was like a photo of Arthur.

The man shook his head and a part of me died.

"You were seen with a person that looks like him! Don't lie to me", I stand up and yell at the man who did nothing but stay calm and look straight, "please, don't lie to me", I say more calm, trying not to burst into tears.

"I didn't. Why would I lie? I have no interest. I have never seen this person and I don't know anyone who did." – the man said trying to be calm and forcing himself smile.

I have no choice but believe him, even though I don't want to. I can't believe that we are in the 21st century and Arthur is not back. _For when Albion's need is greatest, Arthur will rise again. _It has been years and I can't get these words out of my mind. Years, when all I did was hope that these words are true, moments when I asked myself if it is worth trusting a dragon's saying. And I didn't answer those questions, but I believed; believed that someday the door of my office will open and Arthur will come in saying "So you are searching for a person with my characteristics, aren't you? You're such an idiot, Merlin", grinning with that smile that I miss so much. I shake my head; letting these thoughts slink from my mind as I raise my look to the man who is waiting patiently for me to let him go.

"Thank you. You can leave now" – I say disappointed and the man stands up and leaves quickly with no intention to come back. He was lying, I know he was, but I couldn't do anything.

While I am collecting the pictures and the documents that are spread on the table, my boss comes in.

"Merlin, did you finish with the interrogatory?" – he asks on a calm tone and after I nod he continues on the same voice "please come to my office after you finish here".

I start asking myself what he can want when I have always solved the cases he gave me and I have always been an example for all the policemen in this building. _I hope he is not going to fire me. 'Cause if he does, then I will say goodbye to my chances of finding Arthur._ As soon as I finish cleaning the table I go to my boss' office. When I am in front of it I take a deep breath, hoping that it's about a promotion or a case of maxim importance that I should solve. I knock on the door and as I hear my boss' voice, I enter his office, my shoes making a powerful sound on the wooden floor.

"Sit down, Merlin" – my boss' voice making me feel more nervous than I am.

I take a sit and fake a smile, like I am feeling very good of being here.

"Is there an important reason why you called me, sir?" – I say trying not to sound very anxious or worried.

"Merlin you are one of the best detectives I have ever had in the last years."

"But? It's going to be a "but", am I right?" – I say, interrupting him with impudence.

"Yes. You are a great detective, but I am afraid you are not going to work with me from now on." – he says and in his voice I can find both happiness and repentance.

"I am afraid I don't understand. What do you mean I am not going to work with you? But with whom am I going to work?"

"You are being displaced to London to work at an important company which needs such a great detective like you." – my boss says faking a smile.

**Displaced to London. **I can't be displaced to London. Here is the place where Avalon once stood. This is the place where Arthur would rise I can't go.

"I can't go to London. I belong here. You don't understand. Don't make me go to London please, let me stay here. I don't need greater cases or more difficult. I am happy here." – I say trying to convince my boss that I have no intention of leaving this place.

"I am sorry, Merlin. I have already confirmed your presence there in two days."

"Who do you think you are deciding for me? I –"

"I am your boss, Merlin. I am sorry, but you have to go there whether you like it or not! You don't go there because you want; you go there because it's a must. It's something your job requires and you can't deny."

I don't say anything. I feel a lot of words blocked in my throat, words that I can't say because I don't want to insult my boss. I just put my look down and nod as I stand up and going to the door. As I open the door I hear my boss' voice.

"When you are there ask for Mycroft Holmes. He will tell you all you want to know"

And I bang the door without saying anything. _Displaced to London, _I repeat those words in my mind with the picture of Arthur in my mind.


	2. Chapter 2 - Arthur's POV

**ARTHUR'S POV**

"Thank you. You can go now and I appreciate you came after we had called. You were very helpful." – I say to the blonde woman who is sitting on the chair, in front of me, smiling, believing that she really helped. But who was I lying? She didn't help at all. All she told me was that she had seen a man who looked like Merlin, but what am I dreaming of? There are a lot of people in this town who can look like him in this "modern times".

I smile to the woman as she closes the door and then I put my hand through my hair, trying to stay calm and not punch myself. I take a deep breath and I try not to think of the last memory I remember with Merlin.

_"There's something I want to say" – I say as I feel that I am not going to make it through, that I am not going to tell him what I want to. _

_ "You're not going to say goodbye" – he says trying to get me up, trying to take me to Avalon. But I know it's too late. I can feel it. _

_ "No" – I whisper and shaking my head I look in his eyes and not having enough courage to tell him that I love him – "everything you've done, I know now: for me, for Camelot, for the kingdom you helped me built." _

_ "You would have done it without me." – he says shaking his head and talking as if I was going to live, as if I was going to see the next dawn. _

_ "Maybe" – I laugh and I almost regret that it's my time to go. But I am happy, happy I am dying in the arms I love most._

_ I feel the pain in my chest more painful than it was before and I breathe heavily. I want to close my eyes, but Merlin moves me and I feel I have a little more to live so I keep talking. _

_ "I want to say something I have never said to you before" – I look again in his eyes because I can't die without looking him in the eyes for the last time. _

_I know I don't have enough time or enough power to say "I love you", but I feel I will have an opportunity to tell him, but not in this life, not this time. So I just put my hand through his hair to feel it for the last time in I don't know how many years and I took a deep breath as I feel my lips giving life to two words: _

_"Thank you."_

And then everything goes away. I don't remember anything. All I know is that I woke up in a forest wearing my armor. And then I followed a path and I arrived at a road where all the people were staring at me like I was some kind of mad person and not their King. It took me some time to realize I was not in Camelot and it was the 21st century. I chose to become a police man so I can legally look for Merlin.

Nights in sequence I heard his voice screaming my name and there were times when I couldn't realize if they were part of reality, of my memories or of my past; nights when I couldn't sleep because I tried to remember what happened after I thanked Merlin, although I figured out what followed, but I didn't want to believe it.

The door of the interrogatory room opens and my thoughts spill. Lestrade comes in and from my facial expression, he can figure out what happened.

"I saw the woman leaving and I waited for you to come out. You didn't, so I came to check on you. Are you okay?"

"She didn't help me with anything and I still have to smile and pretend I am so close to find him when I don't have any clue of where he could be. To sum up, I am not okay." – I say keeping my look down and my hands on the forehead.

"Arthur, I know you are going to find him. It is just a matter of time until – "

"I don't even know if he is in London! I don't even know if he is alive! I don't even know if he looks the same or maybe he is old and he has a family, kids, and grandkids!" – I yell as I stand up and throw the papers from the desk, putting my hands aggressively on the table.

Lestrade doesn't say anything. He just looks away and I don't know what to or what to say.

"Look... maybe he has made a life. Maybe he gave up on waiting for me. Maybe he got married and now he leaves in a small house in the middle of the forest! Sometimes I feel I should give up looking for him. For more than three years I have been looking for him and you were my witness. Sometimes I feel that showing up in his life, all of a sudden, could ruin the life he has built and that I shouldn't make such a great effort to find him" – I say on a calmer tone.

"And despite all this thoughts, you still do. You are still looking for him. Why?" – he asks with such a great curiosity like all he wants me to hear say is that I want Merlin by my side. Even though it's the truth, I can't tell it to him.

I look at him and with a grin on my face, I say:

"Because I know he didn't give up on me. And until I find his corpse, until I see his dead body in front of me, I will never believe he is not out there. I don't want to ruin his life; I don't want to come back in his life. All I want is to let him know I am alive." – I say with the image of Merlin's smile in front of my eyes.

Greg smiles like I am a childish person, but I am not doing anything special. I am just searching for what used to be mine.


	3. Chapter 3 - Merlin's POV

MERLIN'S POV

London. The city where I was displaced and where I didn't want to come doesn't look so bad. All I can see in front of my eyes is the famous Big Ben and a lot of buildings unimportant to me, but to some people it seems that they are more than life itself. I smile as the cab stops in front of a palace or at least it looks like one. I look at the man through one of the mirrors from the car as he put forth his hand like he was asking for money. I raised my eyebrows and didn't say anything. I just opened the door from the cab and when I wanted to get off, the man said on a bossy voice.

"This is four Euros."

I stare at him for a moment and I can only assume that I have to give him the money if I don't want to have problems. I get five Euros from my pocket and I don't expect any money back. I just bang the door of the cab and raise my look. All I can see are lots of windows and I bet this building has more rooms than Camelot. I want to enter the building, but some people dressed in the same clothes don't let me.

"What is your business here, boy? Do you have an appointment?" – says one of them, the tone of his voice being very cold like he doesn't even care whether I go inside or stay here.

"I am looking for..." – I say and I get the note from my pocket to read the man's name because I can't remember it and I continue speaking while reading from the note – "Mycroft Holmes. Do you know where can I find him?"

All from a sudden the guards opened me the door and I realized that this Mycroft was a very powerful man. I entered the building and the ceiling was taller than the one in Camelot and the walls were painted in a light yellow. In one corner there is a big table and a woman sits on a chair at it. I go to her and I say:

"Excuse me." The girl is looking at me, she smiles and she waits for me to tell her what I want so I continue. "I am looking for Mycroft Holmes. Is he here or should I go somewhere else?"

The woman makes some phone calls. At least she doesn't ask me if I have an appointment. I stay there waiting as I admire the comfy couches, the paintings on the walls, some photos with the staff and how people are coming and leaving dressed in business suits. What am I doing here? I ask myself while I am looking at what I am wearing: a pair of black jeans, trainers a white shirt and a black jacket.

"First floor the first door on the left. Mr. Holmes is waiting for you." – the woman interrupts my thoughts.

I nod and I go upstairs on the red carpet being careful not to blot it. The door of the office I was led to is big and made of wood and on the door is written with letters made of gold "Mycroft Holmes." I take a deep breath and I knock on the door trying not to make noise. I hear a strong voice giving me permission to enter and I open the door, entering a big room painted in the same color as the hall which means they didn't have so many ideas for a color and on the desk placed in the middle of the room I can see a photo frame, but I can't see the picture because the frame is turned which means not everyone can see it because it's very personal.

"Hello" – I say, not sure if it's the right greeting, but I am not part of their community so I don't know what I can say more.

The man at the desk stands up and I can see he is taller than me, his suit is probably an expensive one and he really looks like those kind of people who have the power.

"I was waiting for you, Merlin."

He offers me a sit and I take it smiling, leaving the impression that I am glad to be here.

"Yes, but I can't say that I have been waiting to come here." – I say, faking a smile.

On Mycroft face I can see an ironic smile and I smile back while I wait for someone to break the silence. I don't want to be rude and ask why I was brought here so I let him put the questions.

"Oh...so you didn't want to come here? You wanted to stay in that little city to wait for a sign, for a proof that you belong there?"

I raise my look and I can feel all the magic screaming inside me, challenging me to make Mr. Holmes regret what he just said. I put my hands on the table as I try to see the photo on his desk.

"I don't need any sign or proof to know that I belong there. And if you wanted only to ask me this you could have phoned me as well. You needn't have called me here."

"Clever...very clever. You say don't need any sign to know you belong there, but you do need a sign, don't you? A sign that you can find something that you lost? Maybe a person?" – he said putting some whiskey in one of his crystal glasses.

I look calm even though I am fighting with the anger in my body.

"Mr. Holmes I think I am here to talk about why you need me, not about why I wanted to stay there. This city is not for me." – I say trying to change the subject.

"You are a private detective, the best from your town , aren't you, Merlin? I always need the best. So you are here to work for me and I need you to solve cases. For a person as smart as you are, I thought you already knew that." – he says drinking from his glass. "But where are my manners? Do you want some whiskey?", he continues and I shake my head.

"I don't drink at work, I am sorry, Mr. Holmes." – I answer quickly without a doubt.

Mycroft leaves the glass on the table and stands up, looking for some books in the library behind him. As he stands up, I use my magic to see who is in the photo he keeps on the table. I can see Mycroft together with another man. They look so much alike that I can bet the man is his brother. I don't have time to look at the details because Mycroft turns around and sits back on his seat. I can see the title of the book: Sherlock Holmes.

I smile for a second and then I ask myself why he would show me a book named "Sherlock Holmes."

"Tell me, Merlin, have you ever heard of Sherlock Holmes?" – he asks like he is Gaius.

"The private detective who can solve any case?" – I answer and for a moment I feel back in Camelot when Gaius was explaining me the importance of plants and how to save Arthur's life.

Mycroft nods and then he stands up, coming next to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. He got closer to me and he whispered to my ear.

"He can solve any case indeed. You tell him, and he finds anything you have ever lost, anything that you thought it would never be found. And he doesn't find only objects; he also looks for missing people."

I stand up quickly and I want to leave when Mycroft's voice stops me.

"Go to 221B Baker Street and you will find Sherlock Holmes." – he says and I can see him enjoying the last drop of whiskey from his glass.

"I don't need his help" – I say as I bang the door and leave the building as quickly as I can.

I walk on London's streets looking for a place to stay when I receive a message on my mobile phone. "See you tomorrow at 8:00 o'clock – MH".


	4. Chapter 4 - Merlin's POV

I find myself knocking on 221 Baker Street's door. _I don't need his help_, I keep telling my mind, but I can't help it. If this man can help me find Arthur, then I don't care about my pride. I keep knocking on the door but no one answers. I try it and I see it's opened so I enter. The building is not the palace I saw when I went seeing my new boss, but it isn't the way it was my apartment before I came here. I see no one around, but I hear voices upstairs, a voice of a man yelling and another voice of another man who is calm saying "I am sorry".

I dare following the staircase and I arrive in front of another apartment from where the voices were coming. First, I turn back, with the desire to leave but then a man opens the door as if he knew I am there.

"Yes, Merlin you can come inside. I am sorry I didn't open the front door even though I heard your knocks." – the man said on a calm tone, going to sit back in his armchair. The man was taller than me with curly dark hair and the expression on his face made me realize he was waiting for me.

"How do you know my name? If it's not too rude to ask"

"You are not that of a professional now, are you? Oh, the detectives nowadays. I forgot how is to work with one. Usually, I am on my own. Well I have my partner here, John Watson who is very interested in my job and always here to help me."

The man called John was standing with his back to me and he was doing nothing but staring to the view outside the window. I try to see what he is focusing on and I see nothing but a tall building called Saint Bartholomew Hospital. I don't say anything and I focus on the man who is sitting in the armchair, the one that just offended me.

"Was it necessarily to say that, or it was just a way of making yourself stand out?" – I say with a smile on my face, hoping that I impressed him enough to help me.

"All that I say is necessary. I don't know what your name is. My brother does." – he said grinning ironically.

Mycroft. How did he know I was coming? Even I didn't know. I was too scared to ask another foolish question, being scared that this man, who seems to be Sherlock Holmes, won't help me. So I just stay there, in front of him and thinking of what to say.

"So, you are the famous Sherlock Holmes, the one all books talk about?"

"Books are a lie. Everything written is a lie. A statement, a letter, a promise, anything that is on a sheet of paper is a lie. The books aren't talking about me; I am talking about the books. I invented the stories." – he said talking so fast that I have to focus on his lips to understand what he was saying.

I stand there, looking like a fool in front of this genius, and all I am thinking about is how to leave without falling into contempt.

"You can't leave." – Sherlock said looking at me and taking a cup of tea from the rounded table.

I look at him immediately and think if I said my thoughts out loud.

"When someone comes to me it means they need help. You are a detective which means something you are trying to do is not working. From your eyes, I can say you haven't been sleeping lately and from your crumpled clothes I can say you didn't have time for yourself either. All you want is to resolve a case that hasn't got to do with your paper work. And now you stay there, not knowing what to say which means you are looking for a way to leave with me not figuring out." – he said glancing at me with a smile on his face.

"What kind of freak are you?" – I say, this words being the only ones which came out of my throat.

"I faked my own death." – Sherlock said immediately.

When Sherlock said that, John took his coat and banged the door without saying anything. I look at Sherlock and see that he didn't move a finger to stop him.

"He needs some fresh air to make some things clear with himself"

I don't dare saying anything because I don't want this conversation to go further.

"Look, I don't need details. And I didn't come specifically for your help; I don't want you to do anything. All I need is an opinion and some information about this place."

"And how do you call this, Merlin? A small implication of my knowledge about London? A friendly involvement from myself?" – he says ironically as he drinks a drop from that cup of tea.

Sherlock stands up and goes to the window and I go near him to see what he is watching. _Who_ he is watching. As I go to the window and watch the direction Sherlock watches I can see John, heading to the hospital, but changing his mind and turning to get a cab.

"Why did it take him so long to get down? He left ten minutes ago." – I ask trying not to be the fool pedestrian walking on the intelligent street.

"He wasn't sure if he wanted to leave so he banged the door and stopped there for a second. Then he went downstairs asking himself if he really wants this. John is not such a difficult person to understand. He is my only friend and if he needs space, then I will give it to him. He deserves it after everything I had done to him. Although he has to understand that everything I did was for him."

I never thought I will hear Sherlock Holmes being emotional. I never thought about Sherlock as a caring person. I always saw him as the rough detective who knows nothing but solving different crimes. And now, I hear him talking about feelings, about space, about doing things for other people. I should ask him more details, but I won't. I am not here to find out what the books forgot to tell. Before I say something Sherlock blinks and goes back on his armchair. I look at the window and John's cab left our visual area. He stayed there until he couldn't see the cab anymore.

"Do you have any idea where he went?" – I ask cautiously.

"So let's see who you want to find. I really want to get rid of everything and take a nap." – he said making me hurry.

Before I say anything, Sherlock's phone rings.


	5. Chapter 5 - Arthur's POV

The phone continues to ring, but no one answers. "No one is answering, Lestrade. Maybe you gave me the wrong number", I say and Lestrade starts laughing. "Trust me, Arthur; Sherlock never answers from the first time. One time I called him twelve times and when he answered he said: What do you want, Lestrade? I was analyzing a body".

I raise an eyebrow and put the phone down. "If you think I am going to phone that man more the three times you are very wrong." Lestrade stands up and taps me on the shoulders.

"Take your coat. We are going to his place. I really need him at this case."

I turn to him. "What? I am not coming. I have things to do, people to interrogate. I can't leave this investigation for a man who thinks he is too good to answer his damn phone." Lestrade looks angrily at me and comes closer to me. "Look, Arthur. This is about work. What you are doing is not my concern. I gave you permission to use the data from our computers, I let you investigate and anything you want, but when it comes about work I want you there. Do you understand?" he said on a bossy voice and I know I can't say anything because he has always gave me permission to do anything regarding my investigation on finding Merlin.

"It's almost night, Lestrade. Maybe he is sleeping or maybe he is busy." – I say trying to avoid going there. All I am having on my mind is a way of finding Merlin. I feel like I have been searching for him for centuries, but it has been only a year and a half since I am back. I remember that day like it was yesterday.

I woke up on a road; the cars were passing one by one near me, ignoring me. I found myself dressed as a King, but I didn't remember what happened to me and why I was dressed like that. The only thing I remembered was a face. Blue eyes crying; tears which were for me. Therefore I figured out that something bad happened. I tried to remember what happened with me, why was that guy injured, but I couldn't. The only words I remembered were "Thank you", but I had no idea why I thanked that guy for and why he was crying. As a whisper I heard his screams. He was screaming my name repeatedly and then he said some words I didn't understand. For a moment I felt like flying and I thought I was probably high at that moment. I got up and started walking I felt a pain in my chest like a sword hit me and when I asked people where I was, they all told me I was in London. Every time I started laughing because as I knew London didn't exist and everyone looked strange at me when I told them that. As the weeks passed I began to remember more, but what I was remembering wasn't from this world or from this years. I remembered that guy's name. His name was Merlin and all I knew about him was that I was always shouting at him and even though I was married, I was in love with him. When I was walking on the streets people thought a festival is going to come and they were all happy asking me what knight I was. "Arthur" – I was telling them and they started screaming calling me "my lord".

"You are going to call him again till he answers. If not, we are going there, Arthur." – Lestrade's voice brings me back. I blink and nod, taking the phone and calling again the number.

This time someone answered. "Hello?" – the voice sounds so familiar.

"Mr. Holmes?" – I ask and then the voice didn't answer anymore. I stay there for a second and I didn't know how to continue. I didn't want to tell him my name so I didn't. "I am sorry if I disturb you at this hour, but my boss needs you with a case, so I would appreciate if you could come tomorrow at our office" – my voice sounds so professional like I have been a cop for years and years. I smile and wait for an answer. _Just talk. I want you to talk, because I want to figure out from where I know your voice. _The man who I am talking to doesn't say a word and then he hangs up. I try to remember the voice because it sounded so familiar, but Lestrade comes in my office.

"Come on. Today I am not going to let you stay here till tonight. So pack your things and go home, Arthur." I nod and take my papers leaving together with Lestrade. "You wanted to make you sure you are going to leave the last?" I ask Lestrade grinning, going downstairs. He guffaws and then he says "No, I wanted to make sure you are going to get some sleep." I fake a smile, because I know I am not going to sleep tonight. I won't be searching for Merlin; I will be thinking why that voice sounded so familiar.


	6. Chapter 6 - Merlin's POV

I throw the phone away and Sherlock looks at me. "I didn't expect that when I told you to answer the phone", he says on an ironic tone going to the kitchen and taking another cup of coffee. We stand there in silence for some moments and none of us dare to say anything. Sherlock goes to the window and stays there for some minutes as I look at him shocked.

"I've never thought Sherlock Holmes cares about someone." – I say and I know that, maybe, I was cheeky. Sherlock doesn't even turn to me and he just stays there, staring at the window. "I've never someone can become a detective just to look for the one he loves", he says with a grin that I don't see, but I know is there. I put the cup of tea he gave me on the glass-rounded table, making noise on purpose.

"What is your story, Merlin?" Sherlock asks, his eyes fixed on me. "I don't have one", I say quickly. He smiles. "Answering really quick, not even thinking on what you were about to say. Lie." I put my look down and look outside. "Look, I should probably go. It's late and I really need to get home." I turn my back and I go to take my coat from the hanger. "Do you have a reason to go home?" I stop, crippled. "Does John?" – I say and I feel Sherlock getting uncomfortable. I take my coat and drink the last drop of tea and I open the door. "Lestrade." – Sherlock says out of nowhere. I don't let a word come out of my throat, but Sherlock already knows what I am going to ask so he answers. "The man you talked to. His name is Lestrade." I smile and look him in the eyes. "No, his name is Arthur", I say and then I close the door behind me, going so fast downstairs that it feels like running.

I didn't want to answer Sherlock that question, but I know the answer. Everyone has a reason to go home. Some of them can't wait to go and eat with their families, hug their children, talk to them, kiss their wife after a long day of work. Me? I just want to go home for the memories, memories that I can't let go: of my life in Camelot, of my life here. I do have a life here. I look around and I ask myself what part of Camelot is this. I smile and I figure out this were probably Cendred's lands. I remember how me and Arthur used to run from his men, how we saved each other's lives, talking at the fire, trying to fall asleep while looking at each other. Those days were gone and I know that, but the memories are still alive and as long as I believe Arthur is there, somewhere in this enormous world, I know I can find him. He didn't recognize my voice today. He didn't ask me to talk more he was just doing his job. "But what was his job?" I ask myself repeatedly until I get home.

I enter my small apartment and I fling my coat somewhere on a chair. I sit on the coach and I put my hand through my hair, asking myself if that was Arthur or my desire to find him affects my mind. "No, it had to be him" – I say constantly to myself when the ringing phone distracted my attention. It is just a message. "I hope you will sleep well tonight, because you'll need energy tomorrow – MH." I throw the phone on the floor and I don't bother to see if it is broken. I sigh and get up, knowing that what I am going to do isn't the solution.

I go to the bathroom and from the cupboard where I keep my medicines I took my syringe. I try to think twice, but I can't. Coming back to London wasn't a wise choice. I feel like I am at the end of this endless road where I have been travelling more than ten centuries. "Maybe it's time to stop. Maybe I am not going to find him. Not know, not ever. I know it was his voice, I would never forget one of the only things that kept me alive", I say looking at the empty syringe. It is a new one. The needle is barely touched by someone and at the slowest touch, the blood will start flowing. I sit in the bathroom, underpinned on the cold, white sand stone. Without regretting, I let a tear fall on my cheek and I don't bother erase it. Others followed and I just stand here, crying, feeling like a coward because I am not able to control myself.

"This is why you became what you are now, Merlin. You have to stop. You don't want to back from where you left." – I say to myself, but it doesn't help.

I can't stand this situation anymore. I take the syringe, now plumped with a transparent liquid which is supposed to make me feel better. I take a deep breath, still feeling as a coward because I am not able to control my fears, my feelings, my desires; I am not capable of fulfilling my own wishes. The phone is ringing, but I don't want to answer. I raise my jeans and when I look, I see that if I look carefully the scars from last year are still there. I am thinking of what my life was when I was living like this: misery, pain, memories mixed with tears and shouts, swords clashing, deaths happening again and again. And I don't want this, not anymore. Even though I swore that I will not inject until I find Arthur, I fell I can't control myself. I am keeping this syringe in my hands and I can't let it down.

I try to drive away all the guilt I feel and after a few seconds, I put the needle on my skin, letting the liquid flow in my body. I haven't felt so good since ages and I admit I missed it, but I never had the courage to do it. And now, after I heard Arthur's voice on the phone, I felt like I fulfilled my task even though I haven't.

The liquid is flowing in my body, taking away all my thoughts and making me feel like I am free and I can be happy. I go to bed and when I put my head on the pillow, I fall asleep with Arthur's voice in my ear and his face in front of my eyes.


	7. Chapter 7 - Merlin's POV

The noise that wakes me up is made by my alarm clock, or my phone ringing; I am not sure. I get up and I realize I slept in the same clothes I was yesterday. I have a terrible headache that I can't control; a headache that takes me to the past and all I see around is Camelot: the perfect woods with the sound of the hooves on the ground, the never-ending path to the Citadel covered by flowers that make you get lost. I shake my head and for a moment I regret I left that kingdom, I regret I started this life, thinking that I could find Arthur, believing the words of a dragon. If I stayed there, maybe Camelot would still be here, and Arthur would be my King and I would be his sorcerer. I knuckle away my tears before they fall and I pick up my phone.

My alarm started ringing hours ago and I have a lot of missed calls, the last one from Mycroft. For a second I forget who he is and I stay there, in the middle of the room, trying to remember who Mycroft was. When I remember, I know I am in trouble. He said 8 o'clock. It is already 7:30 so I take the suit I had yesterday and run quickly to the door. I take a cab and when I tell him to hurry up he tells me there's nothing to worry about. "You don't know my boss. He can get very angry if I don't arrive on time." I am trying to ignore the terrible headache that I am still having and after I pay the cabbie I run to Mycroft's office. I forget to knock on the door and when I enter, I look at the clock and I am happy I am not late.

Mycroft raises an eyebrow and he tries to smile. He stands up and looks at me. "You are wearing the same clothes you wore yesterday. Don't tell me the mighty London doesn't suit your tastes." I don't say anything. I just sit down without his permission. I don't dare ask him anything because of the way he is looking at me. "Look, I assume you didn't want me here to admire my suit or to mess my program. So, before you say anything, I just want you to tell me who Lestrade is." Mycroft starts laughing and I feel a little embarrassed. "Look, Merlin, I am not your informer. You aren't working here to find out more information about that thing you are looking for. And also, I thought you went to my brother to ask his help." I stand up and put my hands on his desk, creating a big noise. "I don't need his help. All I need is a little bit of information. I can't just walk on the street and say: Hello, my name is Merlin and I am a private detective searching for his beloved. I can't do that! I need a little bit of help, Mycroft! So you stop looking down to me and cooperate." – I say almost yelling to him, forgetting that he could kick me out in any moment. After I realize it, I still stay there, watching him, even though I know I won't put my foot in this office again. But I am taking that risk.

Mycroft stands up and comes near me. "You are impulsive and you are willing to do anything in order to get what you want. I like you." – he whispers in my ear and I do nothing but stay there, crippled, waiting for him to kick me out. But he doesn't. He just goes back on his leather chair, smiling to me. "I will give you that address, but I need to know what you are going to ask him." I grin and I raise my shoulders. "I don't know" – I say confused – "I never thought about it. I just want to find this man and at the moment I will see what I am going to ask him". I see in Mycroft's eyes that he doesn't believe me and after a few seconds he confirms it. "I don't believe you. You are smart Merlin. You need to have a plan." "I don't." – I answer him quickly and if Sherlock were here, he would know I was lying. Mycroft nods and he writes some numbers and letters that make no sense to me on a piece of paper. He gives it to me and I drag it to my pocket.

I grin and before I walk out on the door, I look at Mycroft. "Call me a cab, please." I don't stay long enough to see his reaction or the look he probably gave me and I leave that building that seems a palace, waiting for the cab.


End file.
